Day 5: Me as Unconditional Exposed

 

Today a specific point about this one word ‘unconditional’.

I forgive myself.
I am able to stand in these words of my responsibility to give myself back to me.

‘I forgive myself unconditionally’.
Today I see and realize how it is that I have not yet lived this word, unconditional. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to simulate a version of myself in as that I would wish to be within such a word as this. What are these conditions of me but the resistances that I have not yet written out or walked or yet resolved or realigned to what is best for all? In seeing and projecting myself and representing myself in and as this exalted state in the future, I do not return myself to me, but back into this illusion of myself as consciousness, as a belief in magic that I can somehow skip the physical process of this walk and be what I would wish myself to be; absolute without condition of resistance. How can I really use the word unconditional in self honesty before I have really actually practically walked again in correction of the points that make the pattern of the steps that led to me? I prepare myself in practicality to live this word of ‘unconditional’.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed conditions in my self as relationships of boundaries and limitations based in my own self interest as a system of energy and that I have accepted myself as less than my own conditions and that in so doing have become controlled by own creations.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that within this fear of speaking before my time to speak there lays hidden my fear of self as self-dishonesty in using words I have not lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to cheat myself with this excuse of fear so that I may never give myself the opportunity to realize and understand the discomfort that I feel and actually find my way to live the words I wish to live.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to realize that I have been living out a belief in magic that if I were to speak a word inflated by my desire to live it, then I might somehow induce the substance of the word as me.

I forgive myself for not allowing myself to see and realize how in using this word unconditional: I have used it as a word to express what I would ‘like’ to be, and as an energetic ‘boost’ to my feeling ‘good’ about myself, and as a separated magic ‘spell’, and to qualify the ‘extent’ of my self forgiveness, – that I am in no way assisting and supporting myself to realign myself to myself in equality and oneness but instead I am reasserting myself as the consciousness relationships that I wish to release myself from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to publish words into the systems of the world as packages of my starting point in self interest and self dishonesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support a world in which words are used in separation from self.

I commit myself to walking the steps of this process, one by one and to speaking from where I am here.

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~ by adamsblogs on April 19, 2012.

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